Kender's Pouch

The girl in the council offices who not only turned up with an open can of Stella in her arse pocket, but also proceeded to drink from said vessel, talk VERY loudly and steal a pen.
It was before 11am.
I ratted her out when my turn at the desk came

You're only allowed to replace the old tag with one new tag. So you can't replace them with two separated with a comma. So you basically can't replace them.
Also, THE FUCKING SERVER IS DOWN YOU CUNTS.

Re: The use of "necessary" in your fawning please-don't-stop-giving-us-money post.
NECESSARY?! Five words aren't necessary?! Why don't you just go fuck yourselves with something sharp and sandpapery. You do not decide what's necessary in MY life thankyouverymuch.

Am eating Boots, the popular chemist that is. And it's free thanks to points spendage. Tomorrow's lunch will also be free, and then the next day I might go shopping or something....
I've got plenty of rice, stock powder, and sweetcorn, but I doubt I'd last long on those alone!
Omnomnom cajun chicken wrap! Just the right amount of spicy, offset by the utter loveliness that is mango and passion fruit smoothie. *contented sigh*

Song of the Week courtesy of @flidby thank you!

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Just beautiful, sod the lols that cat is highly asthetically pleasing!

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Dear Kenders,

blog.co.uk Customer Support

It's hard to look like you're taking a stand against fascist tag removers when your Pro doesn't expire for MONTHS! But I am.

Thanks to google mail reliability I can write a story where ever I am in the world and it will stay saved, unchanged, and accessible. I can no longer rely on BCUK for this service.
I'm not leaving, but I'm not paying for the 'priviledge' of blogging either. BCUK have gone too far, I know there's a recession on but I paid for a service that is no longer being provided. I'm quite happy to ignore ads if I have to, the banners over there are mostly ads, so they'll be going, but it doesn't matter really. Photos I can flickr or tweet. The important thing is being able to vent with impunity.

You get whispered about a free mount, and directed to a shitty website addres, which I didn't even bother with as am not DUH! Website has blizzard-freetrial in it's name, just report, tell the bastid to fuck off, and ignore.

My PC/Tele issues seem to have resolved themselves.
Without a whole lot of help from me.

Bastard thing.

In other news my lungs are crackly.
Was considering going to the doctors, but I think I'll wait till I cough up part of a lung...

Christine seems to have a new makeup artist...
Not good.

Careers advice for seven year olds? No fucking way! Ridiculous. Government seems to be sliding back to Victorian times.

In order to print out ANYTHING from my printer I had to uninstall it's drivers totally, which were gained from HP's official site and were guarenteed to work with vista, then just switch the machine on.
Low tech beats genuine software. Nice.

I think I prefered yesterday's sickness levels, my head didn't hurt so much.

I just yawned! Twice!!!

Woke up at 2am hot, in need of liquid and ibuprofen. Went for a wee, refilled drink (no, not from the bathroom), downed pills and got a lolly.
I don't think I've ever been so grateful to myself than I am about the lollies. They are of the strawberry-split genre of lolly and are the perfect mix of iciness and smoothness.
I nibbled mine in the dark. Nibble, crunch crunch, swallow. I'd push my tongue up against the roof of my mouth as I swallowed for maximum effect.

Woke up 7 hours later. Lungs feel different, wasn't all hunched up in bed and could click my back.
Nose fantastically blocked, still coughy but without the burning sensation, head clear but achey, and the light from my iPhone no-longer hurts my eyes.

Yawning produced no adverse effects, no spate of coughing, nothing. Huzzah!

There were a pair of brothers.
One named John, the other named Edward.
One day while out in the woods gathering berries, nuts and mushrooms they heard a very loud thump.
They shared a quick glance, grinned, then headed off to investigate.

A short walk later through the dense undergrowth and they reached a clearing. In the centre of the clearing was a large smoldering mound of earth.
John and Edward approached cautiously, treading soundlessly on the grass. When the reached the top of the mound they could see what they assumed to be a fallen star. Unusually it was in the shape of a large X, which glowed red radiating heat up into the brothers' faces.

"What shall we do with it?" John asked his brother.
"Maybe we can sell it at the market." Replied Edward, the light from the X making his face look very eerie.
"Well we'll have to wait until it's cooled before we do anything, so let's cover it with earth so no-one will steal it." Suggested John, always the more sensible of the two boys.

So, after an afternoon of shovelling dirt with their hands they headed back home with the small amount of supplies they had gathered earlier.
Upon seeing their disheveled selves their mother frowned and ordered them to bring in the copper bath.
While they scrubbed themselves clean in front of the fire they both burst into song, the copper bath sending odd reverberations of their voices around the cottage.
The boys' mother came rushing in, thinking them to be in pain, but scowled when she realised they were just messing about.
"Boys I told you not to do that in the house!" She exclaimed crossly, giving them both a clip round the ear.
"But mother, we can sing! It's just the bath that makes us sound strange." An indignant John pouted at his mother.
"I don't give two hoots what you say John, remember what happened at church? The vicar can't even look at me without wincing! Now, no more of this awful noise, do you hear?" An admonishing finger was waved in front of their noses, and their mother flounced out of the room.

The next day John and Edward went out again to collect more free fair. Once they had filled their baskets they trotted along to the buried star.

to be continued...

Saturday: tickley cough, neck ache, ache at base of skull

Sunday: horrifying cough, neck ache, ache at base of skull, snotty McSnotsnot, eyes on fire.

Monday: manage to get to sleep around 3am, wake at 6am, can't find comfortable position ie lung compression = bad, too hot, too cold, muzzy brain, icicles of fire in my lungs when I cough, neck ache, ache at base of skull, head ache.
Get up refill drink, have more ibruprofen, eat ice-lolly. Flit through sleep, phone in sick at 9am ish, weak as a kitten, go back to bed.
Similar sleep problems, this time with very odd dreams, wake at 12 noon dripping in sweat, go have warm bath, a packet of McCoys, and more drink.
Head clearer.
Very careful when getting out of bath, woobley.
Sweat = fever broken = good. Right?

At some point last night I wanted to do a post about flaying Nick Slitherin and covering him with ants, it would have been entitled "I am Pak", got very annoyed, but failed to remember where I'd put my iPhone. It was right next to me.

It's easier to breathe whilst sitting up, but thanks to how painful it is to cough I have actually managed not to most of the time. Although did let myself when phoning in sick, brain can't be that toasted.

Despite icy conditions in the bathroom I opened the blinds to have my bath, and the water really was only warm, but I was just at the right temperature. It also compelled me not to stay too long in the bath, risk of drowning was high today.

I have to tidy the flat for an inspection this week, but bending over is not happening right now, lungs can't take it.

What do you mean you didn't want to know all this?!

Choclate covered crisp* bread sticks of nom!
No idea how much they were though, I wasn't looking at prices, so can't say whether they are value for money...

They call them selves biscuits, but I call fox's cream crunch biscuits. Oh I have some? A double pack? yays for me!

I am back from the shop.
I have ice-lollies, crisps, sweets and soothers.
I managed to only cough into my sleeve whilst out.

Oh I also got bread and lucozade, I'm not mad!

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1. The American playwright lady doesn't look happy about sitting there.
2. Jack Straw pwns Satan, I mean er, no I think I'll stick with Satan.
3. I'm glad the audience agrees with me.
4. He doesn't deny that he denies the holocaust.
5. After the yellow jumpered man speaks and the Lib Dem guy starts talking Satan writes note like he's adding a few people to his 'to kill' list. Fervently.
6. Satan is a slimey toad. About as appealing as licking a slug. He lets the white men speak without interruption but speaks over the ladies.
7. "ahahaha." Is not going to make Satan look any less like Satan.
8. He believes Nazi Germans when they say Jewish people were massacred, but not when survivors of concentration camps say they were!
9. Equal rights for women? Really Satan, wiz all zeez lies you're really spoilink us!
10. I like the Yorkshire lass, she's calm in the face of Satan and comes across really well. Satan is doing his "ahahaha."ing again.

And I'm not even half way through.

The American lady makes some of the best points, Britain has been invaded time and time again, we envelope new cultures, tweak them about a bit and make them our own. How Satan can argue for 'non-pure' Britons to be ejected from our society I will never know, as everyone has a bit of 'foreign' in them.
I have some French in me, the most gorgeous people I've ever met were Arabic/French, so I'm quite proud of my heritage!

Watching this, as I learn History in college, I am utterly flabbergasted by Satan's vagueness, he never remembers which quotes that he protests are lies, he doesn't provide any primary source data, he just comes up with what is basically a load of bollocks.

I urge anyone reading this not to vote BNP, no matter how pissed off you are with Labour or how much you hate Tories, there's always the Lib Dems, they at the very least aren't likely to commit racial genocide, or turn Britain into a dystopian boy's club. The BNP are highly likely not only to expel any Briton who isn't 'pure', to lock up women in kitchens, but also to outlaw homosexuality. People should be free to be themselves, if two men kissing in public makes you uncomfortable, then don't stare. Teaching children about sex and homosexuality is about acceptance, if you are taught that everyone's different and that's okay then you are less likely to develop the type of prejudices that Satan has.

Don't let them get a foot in the door.
Do your children really deserve to live in that world?