Kender's Pouch

Am two steps away from finishing my UCAS Application.
Filling it in, things like which school I did my GCSEs at and what qualifications I got, has made my heart race. I feel like I've just had my first driving lesson again!
I just need to fill in the personal statement, then pay...
Both of which can wait until Thursday so my tutor can recheck my statement, and I'll know if my £20 is free.

Working out when I started/finished school was actually horrifyingly difficult!

I'm going to console myself with crisps now, lovely monster munch

After two years i now have the capability of turning the bathroom heater off and on from the comfort of the bath.
Go string!

Based on the evidence presented in the question:
I would bleed to death. I am clearly a moron and if I met a wolf in the forest would probably show it my would and ask for help thinking it's Lassie.

You visit a forest.
You have no mobile, no radio, no walkie-talkie. No communicative device whatsoever.
It starts to rain but you have no water-proofs, no tent, no umbrella.
After shivering under a tree for a hour the rain stops.
You realise you're hungry and thirsty. You have brought neither food more water with you.
You wander off in search of sustenance.
You meet an angry bear but manage to escape, loosing a hand in the process.
You're bleeding badly.
What do you do?

I shall post my answer at two o'clock, and as far as I'm concerned it's the only right answer...

Perfect for staying in!

Top Gear (1 hour)
Buzzcocks (1/2 hour)
Russell Howard's Good News (1/2 hour) (Still jmiffed that they don't show the extra bits on iPlayer)
Life (1 hour)
Miranda (1/2 hour) Ahahaha! The CHAIR!!!

^ = BBC iPlayer

Little Wolf's Book of Badness (1/2 hour) srsly, check out the vocal talent!

A short interlude for lunch, washing up and fire alarm (plumbers). Iceland's own mini kievs are too oily to buy again, but edible.

Vic Reeves Big Night Out (1/2 hour but am tempted to watch both series)

^ = 4OD

I thoroughly recommend Little Wolf, nearly wet myself watching Buzzcocks and am now going to play a bit of Ratchet and Clank 7000 (A Crack in Time), am on challenge mode and am about to collect the RYNO

Today not only did I do college work throughout the two hour gap in my college day, but when the oportunity came to go home early, I stayed.
Which means I've completed and printed out tomorow's small study skills assignment and made a huge dent in my English assignment which isn't due in for at least three weeks!
Doing work in college time: win!
Reading in bed in the warm: win!
Tidying up before landlord looks for water leak: fail.
Though it's mainly the washing up that's taken over the kitchen counter *sigh*
fuckit.

I sit in bed reading.
The fire alarm goes off.
I am unclothed.
I wait for other residents to switch it off.
Doors open and close.
Feet are heard on the stairs.
Yet the alarm still rings.
Eventually I give, get dressed and go to turn it off.
All the other residents are dtood outside on the street with the door open.
One is examining the control box.
I waltz down, enter the code and press "silence alarm".
I then explain to them that the code is right there on the underside of the control box and how to use it.
I go back upstairs to bed.
The possiblity that I was the only resident to know the ins and outs of the control box didn't cross my mind.
Good thing I wasn't in the bath.

I set my alarm to wake me at 8.30 so I could make a phone call.
My iPhone has the ability to save many different alarms.
The alarm I managed to set had Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies as it's noise.
It's warm and toasty in my bed.
It's raining outside.
Officially the bestest wake-up ever.

And I don't have to get up for a hour!

Right, I stand by the rules of my Blogger's Oath here, but I must complain about the recent quality of spamming.
A complete lack of understand of the English language, not to mention grammar and diction. If you're going to spam at least make sense!

1. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
Yes. Now ask me if there are any I wouldn't.

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Depends, usually morning/afternoon, but with proper *cough* stimulation I'm quite happy at night.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Middle. Or left. Or right. But mainly middle.

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No, where do I sign up?

5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Yes...

6. Do you watch/read pornography?
Not so much, It's never as good as my imagination.

7. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Agressive.

8. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
Which kind of love are we speaking about here?

9. Would you choose love or money?
Erm... Money, but not if I have to marry to get it. So, my own money not someone elses.

10. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
There's one slightly wibbley spring bu- oh, right... um? It's difficult to have favorites when you like so many...

11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
Nope. Do I have one?

12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
*blink* Singapore? Twas my honeymoon after all!

13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Carpark in full view of the camera *snerk* and possibly the road...

14. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Almost.

15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
Yes, that's what bars are for isn't it?

16. Ever been picked up in a bar?
Yes. See above.

17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Yes.

18. Had sex in a movie theater?
No. I actually watch films, anyone trying anything like that when I'm watching a film better be okay with me calling them the main actor's name.

19. Where is number 19?
I don't know, I had to put it in.

20. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes? Oh you mean bathroom other than the bath or shower, still yes.

21. Have you ever had sex at work?
Yes. *shuts up*

22. Bought something from an adult store?
Yes.

23. Do you own any sex toys?
Yes. Strangely they don't get a lot of use.

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Erm... yes.

25. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
No. Why would I be calling their name? That's just asking for trouble!

26. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
Yes. Why? Are you Bill Clinton?

27. What's your favorite sexual position?
Anything involving er sex. Oh fine, probably doggy.

28. What's your favorite sex act?
The vagina monologues. (This is a blatant lie, as I haven't seen or read them.)

29. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
No

30. How many bloggers do you think will post this meme this week?
The bored and/or lustful ones.

The girl in the council offices who not only turned up with an open can of Stella in her arse pocket, but also proceeded to drink from said vessel, talk VERY loudly and steal a pen.
It was before 11am.
I ratted her out when my turn at the desk came

You're only allowed to replace the old tag with one new tag. So you can't replace them with two separated with a comma. So you basically can't replace them.
Also, THE FUCKING SERVER IS DOWN YOU CUNTS.

Re: The use of "necessary" in your fawning please-don't-stop-giving-us-money post.
NECESSARY?! Five words aren't necessary?! Why don't you just go fuck yourselves with something sharp and sandpapery. You do not decide what's necessary in MY life thankyouverymuch.

Am eating Boots, the popular chemist that is. And it's free thanks to points spendage. Tomorrow's lunch will also be free, and then the next day I might go shopping or something....
I've got plenty of rice, stock powder, and sweetcorn, but I doubt I'd last long on those alone!
Omnomnom cajun chicken wrap! Just the right amount of spicy, offset by the utter loveliness that is mango and passion fruit smoothie. *contented sigh*

Song of the Week courtesy of @flidby thank you!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Just beautiful, sod the lols that cat is highly asthetically pleasing!

User Tag: cant-go-to-bed-at-twelve-fifty-six-must-go-at-oh-one-hundred

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Dear Kenders,

thank you for your request.

Your payments have been cancelled and your Pro status will expire on
2010-05-18.

Kind regards

blog.co.uk Customer Support

It's hard to look like you're taking a stand against fascist tag removers when your Pro doesn't expire for MONTHS! But I am.

Thanks to google mail reliability I can write a story where ever I am in the world and it will stay saved, unchanged, and accessible. I can no longer rely on BCUK for this service.
I'm not leaving, but I'm not paying for the 'priviledge' of blogging either. BCUK have gone too far, I know there's a recession on but I paid for a service that is no longer being provided. I'm quite happy to ignore ads if I have to, the banners over there are mostly ads, so they'll be going, but it doesn't matter really. Photos I can flickr or tweet. The important thing is being able to vent with impunity.

You get whispered about a free mount, and directed to a shitty website addres, which I didn't even bother with as am not DUH! Website has blizzard-freetrial in it's name, just report, tell the bastid to fuck off, and ignore.