So, I've had my bouncing baby boy, Adam. I was supposed to be having a
home birth, however he had different ideas about this...
Wednesday, 15th June 2011:
4am- waters break. Adam's kicking like a Luke so I can't feel
contractions. I phone the assessment centre at the hospital and they
tell ms to come in if still can't feel them by 7am. spread water proof
stuff around birth area. More watery breakiness. In fact, every time I
stand up I leak like you wouldn't believe. I have not bought enough
lady pads for this...
7am- ...I go in to the assessment centre. I get a heartrate and
contraction monitor for a couple of hours; contractions are there just
masked by sproggling. Get told when to call midwife out.
9.30am- get back home. Eat. Sit. Be bored. Play ffxiii.
2pm- play ffxiii. Be bothered by contractions. Continue to graze on
high energy food and drink.
5pm- midwife rings, how am I doing? Can she come round?
6pm- midwife arrives. Contractions not yet close enough or strong
enough for her to stay.
11pm- ring midwife, tell her how I am doing. Can she come round?
11.45pm- midwife arrives. Contractions closer, stronger, but not
regular enough for her to stay. Readies notes. Tells me when to call.
Says if not in proper labour by 8am Wednesday to go to assessment
centre as with waters gone there's a risk of infection. Says to try
having a bath.
Thursday, 16th June 2011:
1am- have bath. Lying down agony for contractions. Bitch.
1.30am- ffxiii, nibbles, ouchy. Tired. Doze between contractions.
Using iPhone app to track times. Dozing makes contractions even less
regular. Can't stay awake for long though. Should also mention have
been peeing AND pooing every hour.
7am- phone assessment centre. Get told to come in for 8.15am, try to
book taxi, completely booked for school runs, only available at 7.15am
or from 9am. I pack a bag, hastily.
7.30am arrive at hospital, upset, underprepared, and in pain. Get told
they're shut to admissions as there's some kind of baby explosion and
are full, re-explain waters situation, get admitted.
9am- put on ward with 5 other waiting-to-be-induced ladies, I appear
to be the only one having contractions. Ouchy. Eat toast. Close bed
curtain things. Try not to breathe through contractions too loudly.
Get annoyed by neighbour's constant texts, phone calls, and twattery.
1pm- Finally get told what's going to happen, and have
heart/contraction monitor affixed (uncomfortable elastic banding
holding two round, bulky sensors in place). Eat lunch.
1.30pm moved to labour ward, get thingamy in left hand, get hormone
drip to give nice strong, regular contractions. Hooked up to
heart/contraction monitor, told how it works for third time.
4pm- hormone thing REALLY works, but told have to have 4 hours of
regular contractions before birth likely to start.
6pm- ARGH. Gas n air. Argh.
7pm- ask for stronger pain relief, but am having involuntary pushing
thanks to drip, midwives take one look at lady area and say is too
close to birth for anything else. Told me not to push. I hate them.
7.30pm- told to push. Am told gas n air is making my pushing crap, but
can tell is too soon for pushing. Not allowed to breathe gas n air,
but allowed to bite it.
7.55pm- am told Adam's heart rate worrisome.
7.58pm- next contraction = I push like a muther and Adam is born.
Ripping me right fucking open.
8pm- blurred, I can has baby, many stitches (well, one long running
stitch), thing in right hand, fluids of some kind in each hand, blood
pressure cuff, heart rate monitor, oxygen mask, catheter, tired. 3
units of blood- later on, involved left hand, then spillage, then
right hand. No idea when, was sleeping, Adam in cot next to me.
Friday, 17th June, 2011:
1.30am- eat toast.
8am- eat toast.
12pm- baaaath! (catheter gone now, so too have all drips, one hand
thing still in though, wear latex glove in bath to protect it.) Bed
like a scene from dexter (I refused to go get cleaned up until all
tubeage was gone).
At some point- get moved down to mumsy ward, 4 bed ward, one set of
occupiers are The Perfect couple, Daddy Perfect does skin to skin with
their sprog, helps me move bed-table thing when didn't need help, and
is generally annoyingly nice. Deffo would have throttled him if he
were with me at birth! Mummy Perfect just sort of lounges around being
pathetic. It is hot.
Saturday, 18th June, 2011:
Unknown- surprisingly easy to block out other people's babies'
screaming, sleep, then wake for Adam's cries. Weird. Changed 2nd nappy
and all afterwards, quite proud. Boob juice floweth well.
5.30pm- home! Change nappies, feed, sleep, eat etc.
Sunday, 19th June, 2011:
12.30pm- dif midwife phones to say is coming round, phone on silent,
voicemail, unclear number left, ring wrong number, leave message.
Re-ring, find out is wrong number, ring right number.
2pm- midwife turns up. Adam slightly jaundiced, and has lost 9% of
body weight. Makes me feel like is my fault. Hope she dies in horrible
4.30pm- watch Castle, Oooh tis good! Cheers me right up.
Monday, 20th June, 2011:
5.45am- Adam's umbilical cord falls off!
10.30am- I dun a poo! Ouch! Turns out pain relief for stitches is VERY
constipation inducing (dihydracodene).
11am- breastfeed support worker arrives. Wow, such character, I may
fall asleep just listening to her waffle stuff I already know.
Tuesday, 21st June, 2011:
MY midwife turns up, very reassuring about jaundice, all-round wonderful lady.
Wednesday, 22nd June, 2011:
Nappies, boobs, sleep, eat, Facebook games, iplayers.
Thursday, 23rd June, 2011:
11am- another day another midwife, this one took some blood from Adam
as his jaundice looked worse.
3pm hospital called, can I bring Adam in as bilirubin levels are quite
high? Yesofcourse, er, not sure how I'd get us home though what with
the buses... Overnight stay? Oh. Pack bag in a hurry.
3.30pm- on bus, 2 missed calls from hospital, 1 blank voicemail.
4pm- at hospital, 2nd voicemail but assume it's hospital again and put
phone in flight mode. Was asked by nurse if I got stuck in traffic,
despite my already mentioning the bus thing.
4.30pm Adam is under UV light with eyemask on, UV pad underneath his
back, bloods taken, nasal tube inserted, fluids into hand. Shedloads
of baby formula given by nasal tube, until he throws up. apparently
fluids of both kinds will help just as much as UV. Upsetting. Nurses
lovely, even get me a dinner, with two huge slabs of cake.
7.30pm- staff change over, our nurse is much more competent than
previous one, very reassuring.
7.45pm- other mum in our small nursery (max baby occupants = 3) is
show how to use breast pump to express for her baby, I ask to also be
shown, pump out boob juice, so no more formula for Adam.
11.30pm- allow nurse to show me to my room, round the corner from
Adam. Park pram, return to Adam.
-blur- pump, worry, watch Adam, eventually go to bed for a few hours.
Nurse comes to ask if will cuddle Adam for a bit as he won't settle,
am I okay to breastfeed? (mummy's boy )
Friday, 24th June, 2011:
7.30am- staff change over, we get a complete twit. Keeps asking me if
I'm okay, want to punch her face in. Competent at job, but appears to
be phobic about changing nappies. Asks me if I'm okay to change Adam's
nappies, duh, yes, he's 8 days old, not 8 hours!
8.15am- watch Adam, pump after breastfeeding to make sure he's getting
11am- ask bint-nurse what I should do about lunch, cafe on ground
floor or restaurant in main hospital building or vending machines
dotted about. I stay with Adam.
1pm- go for a nap.
3pm- back with Adam, bint asks if I got lunch. Then, very unsubtly,
tries to find out if I'm poor, assumes lack of lunch if money related
rather than not-going-that-far-from-my-child. I get free food brought
to me at meal times now, as if am a patient. She then tries to settle
adjacent baby, after 5 mins of screaming she checks nappy. Baby's mum
is downstairs in maternity ward so bunt has to change nappy. She puts
latex gloves on.
3.15pm- food lady asks what I want for dinner, worried that I don't
want crisps and am unfussed about cake, puts cake on my order. She's a
5.30pm- just fed Adam, expressing via pump, dinner lady tells me food
is on table. Finish pumping. Go have dinner.
7.30pm staff change over, nice nurse, but not quite as good as
previous night's nurse. Have already learnt that passive aggressive
gets things done, ie "he feels really warm" is super effective,
witnessed other mum just demanding temp check, tsk! Never piss off the
people caring for your child! This tactic had already worked well when
1st UV lamp was changed for stronger one, was on heated mattress as
well, raised concern about temperature, mattress went. Some people
just don't fucking think. Also overheard nurses taking the Pisa out of
a mum who went down the "I don't want to be a bother, but..." route,
apparently more annoying to them that outright demands. Mums expected
to be concerned, so passive aggressive route is more honest, less
8.30pm- latest blood results are good, can just have the UV pad now,
lamp and eye mask gone, Adam very pleased! Once drip finishes this
cycle he can come sleep in my room with me! Nurse gives towels so can
have a shower.
late- I am a idiot. Sleep good, ill baby loud, not compatible. But he
doesn't even need the UV pad now, so it's nice and dark for naps.
Saturday, 25th June, 2011:
5.30am bloods taken from Adam again, involves pricking his heel and
squeezing blood out, much less annoying for him when he's feeding,
good thing he's already on when the doctor arrived. Tis a bit odd how
quickly you couldn't give a shit about who sees your boobs.
7.30am- oh fuck, not her again. Lazy, poo-phobe is back, couldn't
chasexa blood result if it splashed all over her carefully made-up
8.30am- press nurse call Hutton thing as his hand tube receptacle is
coming unstuck. Get dif nurse, who puts sticky thing precisely over
other sticky thing. Idiot. Remains loose.
9.30am- running our of clothes for Adam as have run out of my Napier
and the hospital ones are crap, causing many wee leaks, bint gets more
clothes from spares, sizes them up against Adam, then believes me
about long-baby issue. He wears 3-6month baby grows ffs! Comes back
with dif clothes, puts them on him as I'm nervous about catching the
11am- ward rounds. Doctors come to assess Adam, say he can come home today!
1pm- bunt FINALLY removes all tubeage, and starts discharge paperwork.
3pm- if bint doesn't pull her socks up I'm going to leave. I mentally
give her half an hour.
3.30pm- psychic bitch gets her act together and say I can go,
paperwork in the post.
4pm taxi! Nice driver puts main part of pram in the back, helps me put
seatbelt on the carry cot, and is generally REALLY helpful.
5pm- bath, ie sit in bath while filling, have two minutes of wallow
once full, Adam starts demanding boob juice, wash hair, get out of
bath. World of good though.
9pm- Adam is hungry.
11pm- Adam still hungry.
Sunday, 26tg June, 2011:
1am- Adam still hungry, may go insane now.
1.30am- sneakily get Adam to sleep by feeding, then when having his
faux sleep reclining carefully, and not fucking moving him. Sleep!
4am- half hour feed then out like a light.
6.30am- another half hour then sleepy again.
9am- making quiet hungry sounds, but not urgent, I fall back asleep.
10am- still quiet, but I manage to wake myself up to give a good solid
hour of feeding, then go to the loo.
11.15am- he's still a bit hungry, 10 minutes and he's sparko.
11.55am- more please mummy! Another 10 minutes.
2pm- he's still asleep! But my boobs are all leaky, so may wake him up
in a min...
Check twitter for piccies of him btw
(This post may pop up twice, as originally sent from iphone's email, not turned up yet so...)